Q: How did you get to healthy detachment?
My response: You ask such wonderful questions. I may need to ponder my response a bit more, but I’ll give it a try. I think I have a little advantage in that my career was in counseling. So our training taught us to hold unconditional positive regard for our clients while maintaining a healthy detachment. If I am working harder than a client, something is wrong. It’s their life when they walk in the door, and it’s their life when I leave. I’m learning to respond more consistently to people in my life in a similar way. I’m letting them deal with their own anger issues without engaging much. I won’t tolerate control and unhealthy expression of anger. I am teaching others how to treat me. I may create another blog where I write about this and related topics specifically, but not yet. Rest is what I need today for my health as MS gets more challenging.
What strategies help defuse tense situations rather than escalating things?
I worked in the prison system when I was a young woman. They taught us what to do if taken hostage, use of deadly force, and all kinds of things in the training. I always try to remember some of the ways they taught us to keep things from escalating worse. One was just calmly saying the person’s name. I grew up with a father who was severely mentally ill at times, so I guess I learned to disengage from a young age. He would rage at me for hours if I allowed it. I would just think to myself, poor thing. And not allow his words to enter my heart if possible. Sometimes I just acted as an objective observer. I remember telling dad I’d work for him one summer on the farm but if he yelled more than 15 minutes I was going home and billing him for the full day. He agreed to it. Hang in there. It’s not easy, but we can learn a lot that helps us have quality lives despite the challenges. I have decided that I am going to be myself, do good self care, and let the chips fall where they may. I can have joy in the LORD and focus on my walk with Him, and find fulfillment in Him. One day at a time, and trusting God to provide and guide me, including how to respond.