Fires and other major stressors? Here’s some help:

Feel like you’ve been through the wringer? Well most of us in Oregon have been in fight or flight all week, and although in some areas things are calming down a bit, it’s not over yet. The fires continue in many parts of the state and the air quality is very poor. Take time to breathe deeply (indoors with air purifiers on if possible) and connect with the LORD. This calms your nervous system. Take time to hug your family or loved ones or ride an indoor exercise bike. This produces endorphins and bonding hormones that make you feel better. Drink lots of water. This helps flush the toxins from breathing smoky air. Your mental health matters too. There are some simple things you can do to help. Gratitude helps you to turn on the relational circuits in the brain. Even giving thanks for simple things, like the fact that you woke up to another day, can help. Pain turns off relational circuits, making it hard to relate to God and other people well. But you can turn those circuits on with interactive gratitude and worship or thanking God, so these tips might help.


There’s also an exercise we call the “Five Bar.” When your phone or laptop has a strong connection, you can see five bars signifying that. If you have a few minutes, close your eyes, pray and think of a time when you felt a strong connection to God. (If you don’t believe there’s a God, you can improvise, but this is more powerful because God’s Presence in healing and powerful. He is love.) Then when He brings a memory to mind, remember that time of deeper connection with God. Marinate in those memories, using all five senses if you can. Take as long as you want. Then, once you feel connected, share this with someone else out loud if you can. This will help create better neural pathways in your brain as it turns on relational circuits, too. A simple thing you can do also at this point is ask the LORD, “Is there something you’d like me to understand?” Or you can invite Him to come with you to the thoughts that are troubling you. He may minister to your heart in a way that can be very healing. These principles come from something called the Immanuel Approach, which Janet Taylor and I taught to some counselors in Asia a few years ago. I still offer Immanuel prayer ministry to others sometimes. Remember God is with you. He is mighty to save!

Just had a shower and washed the ashes and smoke out of my hair, enjoying the warm water and emerging clean and fresh. Now I have God’s Word playing in the background as I get some daily chores done. Feels like being washed and renewed, too. In a very distracting time, we need His Word more than ever. In a time of crisis, His Word is a light unto our feet…a refuge, a source of power and strength. We can rest on His promises, and where faith and promises unite, we see God move powerfully and lovingly.

Too Many Noodles

Two years ago, right around this time, Jerry and I got the keys to this house. We had lived in my condo at Cinnamon Lakes for the first three years or our marriage. Though Jerry and I loved the wildlife and some of our neighbors there at the lake, it was simply too small for us. I had been working at home part-time before we got married. I had an office where I served a few individuals and couples for counseling. I had been trained in some faith-based healing approaches that were quite effective and loved seeing God heal and restore marriages and individuals. As soon as Jerry moved in, I knew working from home would not be feasible.
Jerry has a lot of hobbies–music, weaving, building things from hardwoods, art, and more. He’s a gifted man with a talent for language. He still takes notes in Farsi at church.  I have some hobbies, too. I do photography, make greeting cards, grow succulents, play the ukulele by our campfire, write devotionals, my blog, children’s books, and more. I retired early from my career in rehab counseling due to MS, but after leaving full-time employment, I wrote trainings for professionals and delivered them around the NW. God opened doors and for several years my part time business called Hope Beyond Words thrived. Then finally health declined enough that I had to stop working completely for several years. But I never stop serving God. I have skills to offer and love to help others.
Fast forward from our wedding day, a very joyous time in April of 2015, to April of 2018. I took a trip to China for about three weeks, with Jerry’s blessing. We married late in life and both of us understand that some time apart actually strengthens our relationship. My friend Janet and I taught some counselors in Yunnan Province some wonderful counseling approaches. Then my former student, Dr Annie Yi, who is a chief surgeon in her OB-GYN Hospital at Fudan University in Shanghai, invited me to do a talk for her doctors. I prepared a talk about the challenges faced by physicians in serving people whose illnesses are hard to diagnose. We had a wonderful evening, and for Dr Yi and I, it was very special. She had been my top student at Jiangxi Medical College as a young woman. I was in my twenties and we became very close friends. We’ve kept in touch all of these years, visiting one another when we can. Ironically, I caught an Asian flu just as I arrived in Shanghai, and felt like I’d been hit by a truck. The Ayi of my friends where I stayed knew an ancient Chinese healing method using a stone. She broke blood vessels a bit in the process and I was black and blue, but felt much better quite rapidly. Probably Ayi is needed in this fight against COVID. She’s a lovely person with strong hands and a sparkle in her eyes because of her hope beyond this life.
After I returned, Jerry greeted me at the airport, having prepared a humorous sign with some Chinese characters, welcoming Sue Kuenzi “Corn Dog” Sabin home. He loves corn dogs. I never eat them, but I figured it was a loving gesture and very funny. On the ride home to Salem, Jerry told me I had too many noodles in the pantry. I had missed him quite a bit, but he was quite OCD about the number of noodles I had on hand. This frustrated me. Not so romantic, Sweetie. I told him give away the darned noodles and let me get over jetlag!!! Within a few weeks, Jerry’s already questionable health got worse and worse. I told him he’d worn out his gall bladder. He said mockingly, “Yes, Dr Kuenzi.” That’s what he calls me when he thinks I am acting beyond my scope as his wife. But I was right. He came home from work looking jaundiced and green around the gills. He told me if he died in the night, that he enjoyed knowing me. I told him if he felt like that, the ER was the place to go. But of course he refused…until he was so sick he finally asked me to haul him in.
Once there, the hospital did a few tests and said he had some blocked ducts and his liver enzymes were super elevated. He had waited too long with his gall bladder looking like a bag of gravel, adhered to his liver. His Mom said I probably saved his life by hauling him in. Anyway, the hospital liked having him around and kept him for 5 days straight.  Two surgeries later, things were looking up a bit. They couldn’t just poke holes in him and scoop out the gall bladder. They tried. But the darn thing was stuck to his liver and very inflamed, so surgery took 4 or 5 hours. The surgeon came out, looking very exhausted, and told us he would live, minus his gall bladder, and gave me wifely instructions. To entertain myself at his hospital bedside, and because I had too many noodles to accommodate, I started looking at real estate on line.
I’ve always loved Jefferson. Jerry was working in Lebanon at the hospital so it would ease his commute quite a lot. Plus we were having some tough things going on at the condos back then. A mentally ill man with a criminal history moved in with his mother with dementia. He threw a boulder threw her window when she locked him out. He shot my van with a sling shot. He jumped out of bushes to threaten me. I had worked with prisoners early in life, and knew how to scare him back, so he ran and hid. But it was stressful having to carry mace just to get the mail. Then my van got hit in Salem by a hit and run. Then as we were about to move to Jefferson, a deranged employee at the Safeway gas station waved a loaded gun right at Jerry and I….Jerry said, “if things go south, get down.” I told him things already went south! That’s a real gun!! Jerry managed to get a picture, so we were prime witnesses. The police came and scooped him off the pavement after that had him lay face down so they could snatch that gun from him. Well, you can see, we’d had just about enough of the wild west in South Salem. Moving to the country suited us just fine.
(Of course, Jerry didn’t think that the dietary rules post-surgery applied to him. He bullied me into buying him a bag of jerky and ate the whole thing. His tummy got swollen enough above the incisions that I called the doctor. I asked if I had to haul him in again, and they said, “no, but that was stupid.”  Sweetie threatened to have the homeless man go to McDonald’s for him. I told him he was addicted to junk food and I wasn’t going to enable him. So things got heated in our beautiful little lakeside condo. I wondered if we’d survive. I won’t mention any names, but someone I love threw a full container of hummus which imploded like a bomb. That was the day we were moving the beds to Jefferson.)
I ended up sleeping at our new home alone the first night. Mr Rogers, a runaway rabbit, slept outside my window all night under the moonlight. He was something of an angel. The dear man I had married lived with two rabbits, Oats and Barley, in the yurt he had built. That was back when we met. So I knew God sent me Mr Rogers to remind me that I was not alone, despite the stressors of recent months. Jerry was thrilled that our house came with this big grey rabbit and spent time with him, hoping he’d just adopt us. Then we learned the little girl in a nearby home missed her Mr Rogers. After four or five glorious days with that plump grey rabbit, Mr Rogers moved back home to his  hutch, and we grieved the loss. But we were very busy renovating our new home. Jerry still had recovering to do from his surgery. We decided to install cork flooring in his Music Room and our Art Room. Sweetie only really likes hand tools. It’s romantic but a lot of work. So we sawed every board and installed them. But neither one of us could get off the floor very well, so that got a bit humorous and pathetic. Mission accomplished though. Memories.
Now we have an Art Room, a Music Room, and MBR, and my wonderful office. We have a woodshop area in the 4 car garage. I have my succulent adventure going on in the back yard, which is my domain, and lots of fruit and fresh veggies growing for us to enjoy. Life is improving, even though my health is declining. During COVID, we are forming deeper connections with many neighbors around here. God opens doors for beautiful bonds to develop during times of adversity. I hardly notice the pandemic now, except Sweetie works from home and now we hear that will continue into October. I am enjoying this arrangement again now. When I fell, I just called him on my cell phone and said, “Can you do a BRB and come pick me up off the ground?” Where are you? I told him my location, splattered between the raised beds bleeding a bit. He is really good at helping me when I fall. So I am thankful. God guides us, and holds us close to His heart.

health CARE

Today I saw my neurologist. She was wonderful, her caring evident as she tried to adjust my mask so my glasses wouldn’t fog up. We talked about recent months, and it felt more like having tea with a friend than a doctor’s visit. But we still accomplished the necessary business at hand–my ongoing care as I live with the challenges of multiple sclerosis. She feels the progression is now secondary progressive and has been for awhile. That means that the nature of the deterioration is no longer due to lesions in the brain and spinal cord as much as it is damage to the axons and dendrites in nerves. As a result, the MS medication I’m on may not be very effective. Really, there isn’t a lot that can be done about it at this point…that is, in human terms. God can sustain me day by day just as He always has. She prescribed a ramp for the front door, so we can use our flex spending account if needed as we improve accessibility for my power chair in this home. She wrote a note saying a mobility service dog would be beneficial so I can get on some lists for a future dog to join my team. We compared notes about hot flashes that disturb our sleep and she told me that she uses a fan clipped to her headboard. We laughed together, empathized, and talked about dogs and husbands, and the common ground we share in this season of our lives. I left with a smile as she said I had brightened her day. She made my day pretty great as well. God, thank You for a caring neurologist and such sweet moments in the midst of this journey with MS. Thank you for Kathy, who so kindly drove me to the appointment and then stopped for produce at some great stores in Corvallis afterwards. Her fellowship blessed me. Life in this pandemic is made sweeter by time with her and others. Vicky biked over with her two adorable children and some donuts for Jerry and me. I sent her home with violas and yellow and purple flowers will grace her yard as a result.

do you have a story to share?

Some of you have said you enjoy my posts and missed me during my time away from FB. Others have written to tell me that something I’ve written helped them or gave them hope. I thank God if so. Sometimes I think God has called me for such a time as this, just as He has called many of His children to serve Him in this painful time in history. If God were to help me to publish a book at some point in the coming months (it would be only by His grace and empowerment), and the topic was one that interested you, do you think you might like to read it? (Lately I have felt compelled to write about mental health and the unusual times we are living in. I love to encourage and strengthen people in times of adversity. I believe I’m called to instill hope and to bring healing with words through sharing stories and practical help.) If you’d like to be informed of any upcoming books or other writing I’m doing, feel free to send me your email address. Please include any contact info you’d like to share with me. I will guard it with my life.
Some of the ways that authors share about upcoming books or projects is through blogs, social media, podcasts, etc. But a vital part of that is building an email list to communicate with potential readers. I promise never to share your email or spam in any way. (If you ever were to receive some creepy fake message from me, I can assure you hackers were responsible! I take your privacy very seriously.) We live in bizarre times. I won’t email very often, but I’d love to know how to make you aware of an upcoming book project that relates to the pandemic and how people respond to uncertainty and very tough times in general. I especially want to offer help for the emotional and spiritual issues that arise in times of crisis or uncertainty. I write with empathy and love, aware of the tragedy circling the globe. But I also interject humor and a large dose of grace and tenderness. As a writer and someone who has lived with MS most of my adult life, I have some practice living with uncertainty while maintaining a sense of adventure and holding tenaciously onto hope. As a retired rehab counselor who offered mental health counseling as well, I have some professional insight to offer. As a believer, I know that our spiritual lives are a powerful source of hope, help and transformation. My only motive in writing is to bless others and to instill hope.
As I said, I would only be able to write a book or complete another larger project by His grace and power…I have MS and plenty of challenges to contend with. Sometimes I barely get through the day. So, your prayers for me would be appreciated, and I’d be glad to pray for you, too. I’m also interested in the stories of others going through this pandemic, and how all of has impacted you and loved ones. I have friends in many other countries including China and Japan, and have been touched by the video conversations, emails and very tragic stories I’ve heard since this pandemic began. My heart aches for those who have a loved one in the hospital while they feel so helpless and aren’t allowed to be at the side of their beloved. Know that I will pray and help in any way I can. If you decide to share your story, I would only share any part of it with others if you give permission and your blessing. I believe this pandemic is part of living in a fallen world. God has allowed it, but He sees the suffering and hears the cries of His people for healing and help. He cares. He loves you deeply and will respond to our cries. So, again, please PM me with your email if you’re willing. If you have a story to share, I’d love to read those and join you in praying. And perhaps God would move you to share stories during this time that might be a deep encouragement or comfort to others who desperately need hope. God specializes in bringing beauty for ashes! (Isaiah 61)

Living in “unprecedented times”

As the world reels from the impact of the pandemic, I know that many around the globe are facing extremely stressful situations.  For those who have contracted the virus, to those fighting for their lives, and to those on the front lines of this battle, these are incredibly hard times. How has your life been impacted? How are you doing emotionally, physically and spiritually?

I am hoping to write a short series of posts about helpful ways that we can respond to hard times. My graduate training is in Rehabilitation Counseling , and I used to develop and offer trainings for professionals around the NW on the topic of addressing vicarious trauma (also known as compassion fatigue) through increasing resilience.  Also, living with MS and other adversity has given me personal perspective.  I have gained skill at doing “HARD” things over the years. This experience also reminds me of adapting to a new culture and way of life, such as when I lived and taught at Jiangxi Medical College in China for two years. Perhaps I can offer a few Pandemic Pointers, especially when it comes to mental health.

At the moment, I am thinking about how stress impacts sleep. Tonight, I am not feeling stressed, and sleep has been reasonably good for me in recent weeks.  I woke up at 2:30 am, and though I’ll soon go back to sleep most likely, I decided to try listening to some deep sleep music a friend recommended (thanks Kimberli .  I’ll let you know if it was helpful. I needed to open FB to get the link she sent on messenger…I know that screens are the wrong thing for sleep and will dim the light and put the laptop far from me in a moment. But first, I decided to write a few minutes.)

Sometimes in the night watches, God encourages my heart deeply. Recently that has been the case when I am awake even for a short time. We are living in “unprecedented times” as the media so often reminds us. Around the world, many are suffering. We see images of patients in overloaded hospitals and hear interviews of health care workers faced with the anguish of this pandemic and all the suffering has brought in various places. But we also see images of nurses gathering on the helipad to do battle in prayer together, and of people in quarantine singing in harmony from their balconies. We see Christians responding to the call to help in a culture that so readily attacks them for doing what honors God. Mike Lindell, a man whose life has been redeemed by God, has rapidly transformed much of his factories into making urgently needed face masks for health care workers and others during this crisis. Because he acknowledged God’s grace in his own life as he was speaking with President Trump, and encouraged people to use this time to read God’s Word and spend time as a family, he faced vicious attacks from the media and others. We are truly in a spiritual battle as well as a fight in the physical  and emotional realms.  God’s Word speaks of this, and reminds us that nothing can separate us from His love.

 I am so thankful that His Presence brings light and hope into my days. So thankful that “the eyes of the Lord search to and fro throughout the inhabited earth to strongly support those whose hearts are fully His.” That verse was a great comfort to me when I lived in Asia years ago and encountered health challenges or other daunting things. Lord, may my heart be fully Yours. Another verse that I treasured then and now says “as your days are, so shall your strength be.” 

What are the challenges you currently face? What are the gifts of this time in your life, even in the midst of these challenges?

My friend wisely said, “Never marry someone you wouldn’t want to be quaranteened with!’ I am thankful for my husband and the sweetness of our days shared recently.  During a difficult fall and winter in our lives, Jerry has really proven his love and maturity in deeper ways than ever.  I am really more in love with him than ever, aware that he is our spiritual leader in our home, and a covering over me in some ways. He has been working from home and in his free time planting vegetables and building a ukelele. He has encouraged me in my walk with God and I am so grateful for him.  God continues to strengthen us and enliven us to hopefully bless others during this time. Be safe, and be well. Abide in His love, whatever each day brings.

LOVE in the time of Corona Virus

Yesterday I needed to pick up a few things at the local grocery store. It was early and almost empty aside from employees. I wore a mask and gloves. I ended up having a deep, powerful conversation with the checker who was a beautiful sister in Christ I’d never met before. We talked about the very broad impact this is having around the world,  God’s Word and what the Bible says about times like we are living in. We talked about things with spiritual and emotional depth and will pray for each other. A beloved friend in Hong Kong is sending some masks, and her sister contacted me yesterday saying she had mailed us a large number of surgical masks. I am so touched by this expression of  love and compassion for the needs locally from this beloved friend.  This truly reflects God’s love.

Another friend shared with me this morning that she is experiencing panic attacks when she is off work. As a CNA she provides hands on care for some COVID patients in ICU and elsewhere, so while occupied with her work she does better, but other times the panic sets in. We prayed for one another and I will continue praying for her and all of you on the front lines, sacrificially doing your job in a way that reflects the Lord’s mercy for us despite the costs. Yesterday I had the chance to make eye contact with a few loved ones beyond my household, at a safe distance outdoors as I wore a mask and gloves when needed. How I treasured seeing the faces of a few people I love (without a computer screen making that possible). Our brains need this kind of opportunity to flourish.

Today Jerry asked me to call an insurance company (which serves veterans and has wonderful staff) and after attending to business, the agent, Cassie and I had some very precious fellowship in Christ. I’d never met her before but she commented how encouraged she felt as we talked, and again we went deep. Christ’s presence with us was evident to both of us, despite stay home orders and being in different parts of the country.

Interactions have potential to be such a blessing and God is enabling connections through many forms of technology. This morning I joined in the 5 Days of Prayer at Jefferson Baptist via Zoom. As I listened to the prayers of these dear brothers and sisters, I heard words that reflect the redemptive ways God is at work in these times. I heard prayers and compassion for all those impacted, and concern for hurting people in need. So many need protection and comfort. Tragically, people in our community and around the world are losing loved ones. These are truly painful, harsh times and even people who have lived through great adversity have never experienced anything quite like this. And yet, in the midst of it all, God is doing what He does so well–redeeming the suffering, transforming hearts, extending His love and offering eternal life for all those who embrace the gift of His Son, Jesus.

My husband is working from home right now, and our marriage and our health have been blessed a lot as a result of some resulting changes to routine. Look for the hidden blessings, and cultivate a grateful heart. Gratitude has powerful effects on our brains. When we give thanks to God and interact with Him, it turns on our relational circuits in the brain, and makes relating to others or even tackling tough issues much easier and more feasible.  Remember that God is love, and He invites us into His Presence moment by moment. Two years ago a friend and I had the joy of teaching some students from various countries about Immanuel Prayer, a way of enjoying Christ’s Presence and inviting Him into our days. Immanuel Journaling teaches our brains just how truly interactive God is, and the depths of His love and care for us. We can cry out “Dear Abba Father…thank you for how you are at work in this time of pandemic. Thank you for moving in hearts and lives and comforting and protecting many around the world.” He responds, “My dear child…” Through this interactive gratitude, God turns on our relationship circuits. Then we might imagine how He responds to our hearts in these ways:  “My dear child, I see you. I hear you. I understand how big this is for you. I AM glad to be with you and treat your weaknesses tenderly. I can do something about what you are going through.” Though this is just a glimpse of what we taught these precious believers, you might get some idea of this way of relating to God. As we journal or pray, we can connect with our Redeemer and also develop neural pathways that bring healing and deeper intimacy with the Lord. God often speaks powerfully to us through His living  Word, and knowing that He is with us in the midst of whatever we face makes such a difference. Having hope that transcends the harsh realities of life sustains us.

We are praying for all of those on the front lines. God is moving powerfully in hearts in the midst of all of this. Grieve when you need to, reach out for support when necessary. Pause and treasure the connections God makes possible. Life is fragile. You are loved. As much as you can, remember to lift your eyes from the fear-invoking media and the harsh losses and realities. When you fix your eyes on Jesus instead, peace can reign. Remember that in Christ, we are safe and secure (and Colossians 3 in the early verses may be really helpful right now), and neither life nor death nor principalities nor things present nor things to come can separate us from His love (Romans 8). Treasure these opportunities for reflection, a slower pace, and deeper connections with people and God. Life is uncertain and brief. This pandemic brings many things into perspective and reminds us what matters most. Let us know if we can pray more specifically for you or with you. God is worthy of all praise and honor, even in troubled times. His comfort transforms us and prepares us to share His powerful, genuine comfort with others.

Meaningful, Enduring Relationships

beinspiredThis morning I read a very heartwarming email from my dear friend in Japan. Tomoko and I were college roommates at Pacific University several decades ago. The two of us forged a lasting bond in the months that we lived in a dorm room in Walter Hall.

A few years ago, she and our friend Keiko and I had a reunion in Portland, Oregon at her former host mother’s place. Bev lives in a very lovely neighborhood of gracious older homes, and the four of us had such a marvelous visit. We had wonderful long conversations, lots of laughter, and we went out for some delicious meals together. We also cooked frittatas, and made Dutch baby pancakes with fresh blackberries. As we listened to Keiko playing the piano, the melody of our memories transported us across the years. We visited the Farmer’s Market at PSU. Bev took us back to Pacific University where we had first become close friends. We remembered joyful times, and supported one another as we recalled tough times. During these days together, we shared our hearts, our tears and our lives.

I feel so blessed to have these women in my life. Having met Tomoko when at 19 or so, we really didn’t know what was ahead for us. She remembers me bringing her an avocado as a gift, which she loved. I told her years later that meant I really valued her friendship, because I love avocadoes! I had a few roommates from Japan my second year at Pacific, and I had so much fun helping them learn English. In fact, I thought to myself if I weren’t going to be a Physical Therapist, I would enjoy teaching ESL. I took them home to my family’s dairy farm. They loved my Mom’s delicious farm cooking.

When the time came for Tomoko to return to Japan, I missed her. She loved Oregon and we kept in touch. Some years later, she brought her husband to visit me. At Pacific, I spent a lot of time with Asians. On my wing in Walter Hall, we had a large contingent of Hawaiian women. Many of them were of Japanese descent. My roommate my first year of college was a Hawaiian of Asian descent, and Cathy taught me a lot of pidgin.

My Mom wasn’t too happy about the slang I learned at college when this English major came home speaking Hawaiian pidgin English with my friends. But Mom also really enjoyed the friends I made. Thankfully, I didn’t forget how to write or speak proper English!

God knew that in those years at Pacific, He had a clear purpose for these relationships. I planned to be a Physical Therapist, and I took all of the challenging science classes needed to enter that program. I did an honors project on Therapeutic Horseback Riding for Individuals with Cerebral Palsy. As part of my research, I spent time in British Columbia doing an Externship at an amazing place for riders with all sorts of disabilities. I watched in amazement as a young woman jumped a challenging course on a horse despite being blind.

I eventually got accepted in the Physical Therapy Program at Pacific, and loved learning about this field. Sadly, some health challenges interrupted my studies, and I had to leave the program feeling lost and devastated.

However, God kept reminding me of my love for people of other cultures, and right at that time He planted within me a desire that just wouldn’t leave. I felt inspired to go and teach in China, and despite precarious health, that is exactly what I did a few years later. Had I known that I would eventually be diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, the organization probably wouldn’t have sent me. But by His grace, I didn’t know yet what the source of my intermittent health challenges actually was. I just knew that life would get really difficult at times, and the various symptoms would interfere with daily life a lot. So, I took the risk and those two years in China transformed my life. I discovered my love for teaching, and I found renewed purpose for my life. I taught English to medical students, and to this day the friends I made are so precious to me.

Now, as I look back, I see God’s hand guiding me through all of those years. Tomoko and Yumiko (another roommate at Pacific) were the first of many Asian friends who would bring joy to my life. I loved teaching in China, and made many lasting friendships. Just last year, I spent time with several of those dear friends when I returned to China for about three weeks.

After I finished my two years of teaching in China, I returned to Oregon, and I spent some years teaching international students from all over the world. I opened my home to these students, and often rented out rooms to people from various places. Genevieve, from Belgium, brought a lot of joy to my life when she rented a room in this house I had built on an acre. I also hosted a number of Japanese students. During those years, friends and students from Sweden, Japan, China, Taiwan, Belgium, Korea, Brazil, Panama, and Russia enjoyed spending time with me. I still have a network of friends around the world from those years.

When I think about how much friendships with students and others from all over the world have enriched my life, I feel so blessed. I am a writer and we hear a lot about building a platform. Traditional publishers require evidence of connections that might prove very valuable when marketing a book. So, we are taught strategies to build a network and establish a platform.

While I understand this need, and do whatever I can to continue making connections with others to create an email list, I smile when I think of the actual network of friends I enjoy. My years as an ESL teacher and later as a counselor provided me many opportunities to build deep, meaningful relationships with a large variety of people.

Even when health led me to stop working full-time, I developed trainings for professionals and offered counseling to others part-time. During seasons when I had to stop working altogether, I had the gift of time to cultivate relationships with many people in my area, and to stay in touch with friends far away. I believe one reason we are alive is to know others and to encourage and strengthen them. So, I have lasting friendships.

When I met my husband early in 2012, we took time to get to know each other well before we got married. When we got married about four and a half years ago, Trinity Covenant Church was filled to capacity with hundreds of friends who shared in our joy. I wouldn’t trade these real-life friendships for anything.

I love Psalm 37:3-5 which says, “Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the LORD; and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him and He will do it.”

Years ago, I had the desire to learn to relate to others well. I wanted to have meaningful relationships with people from many cultures. I also hoped to have my own family someday. How faithful God has been to fulfill these desires in such vivid, transformative ways.

 

 

 

 

A Broken System

Earlier this week, the specialist I see for MS and I had a brief dialogue via the patient portal. In earlier conversations, she had encouraged me as I considered changing primary care doctors to the clinic where she works. This would be closer and simplify care. She also knew that the clinic where I have been receiving primary care has been increasingly disappointing. (The quality of care has changed a lot over the past couple of years and they are in the midst of some major changes which will compound the deficiencies in care.) When I inquired about transferring my primary care earlier, I was told which doctors were taking new patients, and that it would be fairly easy to make this change. I had felt hopeful and encouraged.

That was until I actually asked again a few days ago about transferring my care, and then I encountered a brick wall. “We are not taking any new patients with your insurance.” Not at all? I asked politely. “No, not at all.”  While I understand the reasons, I felt very disappointed. When I mentioned this to the neurologist, she said she was very sorry that I encountered barriers due to my insurance and she explained why that is happening. Reimbursement is so poor that smaller clinics would struggle to keep their doors open if they accept too many patients with this very common insurance. She is an excellent doctor and I am very thankful that she accepted me as a patient awhile back. But many doctors will not. Thousands of Americans are in this same situation.

This doctor commented on our broken system and I have great empathy for her and many other caring medical professionals trying to work in this system. I also have great compassion for the multitudes of patients whose care is increasingly compromised by a system which discriminates against them by virtue of the insurance they have. If you have care, be thankful. If you long for days when the quality of care was better, I guess you had better be proactive in taking really good care of your own health because things are likely to get worse. Our medical system in this country is essentially a train wreck waiting to happen, and more trains are going off the rails.

Although they would never call it that, the reality is that rationing of care is also taking place. My primary care doctor spent most of my “Wellness Visit” explaining why she no longer needs to monitor many aspects of my health. Bloodwork that she used to consider essential is “no longer needed.” I am learning from friends who work in the medical field that this is increasingly common. If you want good health care, and you happen to have insurance which does not have fair reimbursement rates, you suddenly don’t need tests unless they are larger sources of income for the clinic. I’m not talking about wasteful tests, but ones which give essential information which can help inform treatment decisions.

When you go to the lab for some necessary bloodwork, the clinic has a computer program which will flag every test that the insurance isn’t likely to cover. So you can decline the test, or you can sign a paper saying you’ll foot the bill yourself. Even though the test I needed was because of months of bloodwork being outside of normal range (possibly due to the MS medication), I had to sign a paper saying that I’d pay for the test if and when my insurance declined. Most likely we will be gouged again. Health care premiums continue to go up each year, and the covered services seem to decrease even more rapidly.

Also, quite often now scheduling is done in a way that requires you to see the provider with the least amount of training rather than your primary care doctor. Nothing against these providers, but complex situations might be better addressed by someone with more training who knows your medical history already.  So, thankfully I take good care of my health as much as I possibly can, and I have a good naturopath who assists me now and then (and my insurance doesn’t cover him at all). But I am deeply concerned about the impact of these issues for all of us. I have seen poor medical care harm loved ones. Many people think that socialized medicine is the answer. Actually I believe it is not the answer but often the source of many of the problems we are facing already. Reducing care to the lowest common denominator will cost lives, and this is already impacting the system adversely.

Insurance companies, even large mainstream carriers, and clinic administrators are making decisions about what health care is offered to people. Sometimes entire clinics or specialty areas are being closed or no longer covered by insurance companies. It doesn’t matter that lives hang in the balance when these conditions go untreated. Dollars seem to be the only bottom line, while ethics and the call to do no harm get ignored.

The dollars and insurance companies are calling the shots, and doctors who want to provide quality care are increasingly frustrated. Some are leaving the field or offering cash only services. I have great compassion for the doctors who have to try to operate in this messed up system. Their stress levels go up as they contend with administrative policies they know harm patient care. Patients with chronic conditions and people who have diseases are viewed and treated differently than they might have been before our system became so broken. I felt a bit like I had a scarlet letter on my forehead as the receptionists all looked at me as the front desk worker explained I would likely never be able to receive help from a primary care doctor in their clinic. Rejected. Not worth helping because of the insurance I have. (Thankfully my identity is found in Christ, not in this sort of thing but this conversation felt very heartless.)

I watched a movie called Living Proof (on Amazon) recently. The man who made the film has Multiple Sclerosis. He shared a story that highlights the broken system and money-oriented power structures that dominate the scene. He shared how his father (a scientist) researched diet and lifestyle changes that could help him battle this insidious disease. His mother is a nurse. When they tried to share this valuable information with the MS organization in Canada, he learned how influential big pharmaceutical companies had become. When someone has MS, if they receive one of  the mainstream MS treatments, the potential income for pharmaceutical companies over the years is a staggeringly high dollar amount. Many of the medications cost many times more than the person with MS lives on per year. Thousands and thousands of dollars are made, and the Canadian MS organization is in the pocket of Big Pharma.

The movie also has an interview with a doctor who performed a procedure that has helped many MS patients. He was stopped from offering this procedure despite the benefit it had for many of those he helped. This sinister and tragic change happened because what he offered threatened the large profits made from other more “accepted” treatments, so they pressured him to stop.

When this man with MS who made this movie created a website to help others with MS learn some natural and lifestyle approaches that might help them, too, the Canadian MS organization issued him a legal order to cease and desist. They saw offering this information as a threat. Thankfully, this man had the courage to find a way to continue sharing the information. But the movie made me think more deeply about this very corrupt system which profits greatly from taking only a western medical approach to treating this disease. My husband and I didn’t sleep so well after watching the video. The truth about what is happening in health care is disturbing on so many levels.

I often try to write about encouraging things. This blog post may not be very joyful to read. I would apologize for that, but I cannot. Some of the information in this post may be controversial. If it disturbs you, it is because our health care system needs help. Many of us may encounter “health-don’t-care” rather than the quality of care we once had. I’m going to choose to be grateful for the courageous health care professionals who continue to find ways to offer quality care. Some of them do this at great personal sacrifice. (I have great empathy for doctors and other providers trying to do their jobs in an increasingly hostile environment. Health care is compromised when the doctors are hindered from doing the right thing for the patient by systems that call the shots.)

I’ll trust God to help with the rest of this, and I’ll persevere. But I might also take a careful look at whether I am simply a cash cow to the pharmaceutical industry by virtue of having MS, or whether these treatments continue to best serve my own health. Maybe God is allowing me to see and experience the disappointing realities that so many of us are encountering as we try to get basic help with our health for a reason. Maybe I can be a voice crying for reform in the wilderness of diminished care. Since economics drive most of this, not patient-centered values, I know I need to pray for others like me who are finding it harder and harder to navigate basic care needs. Even more, I want to pray for the courageous doctors and professionals who endeavor to offer quality care in a system that actually punishes them for doing the right thing at times. Thankfully my faith is in God, not in our broken system of health care which is hurting doctors and patients alike.